Say What? Rants from Inside the paper bag!

I had intended to post a day by day diary of my voyage through the vanity surgery maze but discovered pretty early on that 1.) I could not see through the swollen slits of my eyes to read much less write 2.) The drugs made it impossible to compose a full sentence with any kind of an ending thought and 3.) the tendency to whine when the whole experience is self inflected would be too great! So here I am two weeks post scurgery and feeling really pretty good and feeling more satisfied with the results as the days pass and the swelling goes down. It's a "left" side "right" side kind of race. Oooo, right side looking good today! There is a reason folks, why there are back doors to all vanity surgery clinics; You never use the front door or waiting room post surgery, just for initial consultations. Us graduates always are brought in from the back door straight to the treatment rooms. New candidates would pee their pants and change their minds if they saw us three days after surg having the first recheck. Me Too....I would have chickened out.

Seriously, the process has gone well, but I will admit, I underestimated the discomfort level a bit. I wouldn't call it painful as much as gnawing irritation, pinching, I want these damn stitches out kind of pain. The drugs work well, but I am not a fan of feeling out of control and hallucinating so I swapped them for Extra Strength Tylenol and got by. Oh my, the hallucinations! The worst one was the night I saw Japanese Shogun masks fading in and out of the window over my bed. They were exquisite but frightening. All red and black lacquered Dragons in various forms with flared nostrils, smoke and fire! Wish I could have sketched them as they were spectacular. The odd thing is I knew I was "out there" so wasn't scared as much as just worn out. I could squint my eyes and realize I was seeing reflections of computer lights and cables forming the visions on the window, but the brain tires of reality in a hurry on drugs. I decided it was time to end the show! No more Vicodon. One of Lindsays friends says I may have been subliminally influenced by pre-olympic visions from tv adds. Could be. I also have a love of masks and a small Italian collection of theatre masks so who knows. I did feel as though I had been out of town for a while. The combination was a powerful creation of my mind and drug interaction and perhaps I will be able to sketch them out some time. I'll post my critters if I ever do.

I had the best care possible from my best ever daughter thank goodness. She has a true aversion to seeing wounds, blood, stitches, etc, so I really don't know how she managed to help me through the first few nights of ice bags and pain pills but she trooped through it for sure. She kept my bunny ear ice bags full and applied through the night as my husband slumbered blissfully on ambien up in our bed. He was just exhausted thinking about all this! haha He took over the day shifts and was good (and smart) about giving me ice, pills, and a wide berth! I lived on jello, sherbet and H2O for the first three days (5lbs, yes!) and then graduated to Speghetti O's! can you imagine a good Italian girls eating that stuff from a can? It's great cause you can sort of suck it through your teeth, it's soft and not much chewing involved. It all worked well and I remained nourished.

I get out the last of my sutures tomorrow. I will celebrate by going to a darkened theater with my daughter to see Mama Mia! I am almost to the point where I don't look like a car wreck but could possibly caught a right hook to the left eye and cheek. Not bad for two weeks but I am told I will be astounded in a month. Ok, I'll take it.

I'll talk more of this adventure soon, but this just to let you know I am still out there, feeling better and happy with my results so far.