What am I thinking!

I came to the realization some time ago that the last year's events have somehow left their imprint squarely on my face, and not in a good way. I felt like I looked tired all the time, and saggy and swollen in the face all at the same time. Sorting through recent photos, I came upon validation that it was not my imagination. One photo was this time last year, and one just about a month ago. It looked like time lapse photography, over the period of 6 or 7 years instead of just one. How in the world does gravity jump up and smack you in the head with a boat oar so quickly I ask myself. I don't use drugs, I am not into frequent bouts of alcohol frenzy, I have not lost gross amounts of weight. So I get to blame the obvious culprits of age, Age and AGe...with a generous sprinkling of a year's worth of stress that snuck up without me even being aware that I was wrapped so tight quarters could be bounced off my nerves, well ... you get baggy eyelids, sagging cheeks (the Howdy Dowdy lines) and all that extra neck! After nursing my husband over the course of 11 months through a cervical fusion, pneumonia (7 days in hospital with a "code"thrown in for good measure) and a total knee replacement (to replace the partial which failed after just one year), a little stress if you please. What the hell!

I have decided to kill the turkey, waddle and all!

I looked up an old classmate of mine who along with being a friend, happens to be a world class plastic surgeon. Yes, I am succumbing to the vanity thing, but not so much to look younger ( I don't mind looking my age) but to look fresh and not like I constantly am in need of a nap. I am nervous as can be about it, but looking forward to getting it over with too. I am promised that I will not look like Joan Rivers, there will be no ass fat transfered to my cheeks, no plumping of the lips, no artificial inserts of any kind. Just good-bye to the turkey neck and my eyes opened up so I can see out without seeing side curtains! I will no longer be able to pull my lids out and time how long it takes them to settle back into place. I will be able to put on eye shadow that will show with my eyes OPEN. All this is supposed to be done with minimal surgical invasion and a few weeks recovery. I am nervous and apprehensive. After all, if I don't like the results, I can't exactly return it for my old face. I have confidence in my surgeon and am counting the days (next Tuesday at this time I will be in my recliner with ice bags and a straw) and on the mend. But I get to be nervous if I want, right?

So am I having a late mid-life crisis (to late for a real one as I really don't think I know anyone 126 years old) or just tired of looking in the mirror and seeing my 86 year old mother? While she looks amazing for an 86 year old I am 24 years her junior and not ready for that look just yet. Am I way too indulgent and self absorbed to have noticed my mug and let it get to me? The money could feed starving children in third world countries (the USA for that matter), a daughters college loan it could reduce, many other worthy causes it could enhance. How selfish is it that I have committed to this? Don't answer that one. I am giving this to myself for my birthday. It's like this: To late to back out, paid in advance on the "classmate special" rate, got my nerve up and going on with it. Wish me luck and hopefully I will come to grips with some understanding during my recovery as to why I needed to do this and why I think I will feel better about myself when it's done. Rest assured, I am doing this for myself; I have no plans to do anything like get a new job, make new friends or change my name. I just want to see myself looking back from the mirror again. At least the drugs will be good and I will be relaxed for the first time in a year. Maybe photos later, we'll see!