Say What? Rants from Inside the paper bag!

Mom had a birthday celebration at the house for dad yesterday to commemorate his 90th year. It was the culmination of birthday festivities for my three birthday people as seen in the previous blogs. Yesterdays gathering left me almost numb with contradictory feelings and ambivalence toward further extended family gatherings. To say it was bizarre doesn't really cut it.

First, it was great to see some of my parents oldest friends still with us and able to come celebrate the event. These people have been a part of my life since childhood, and to imagine that my parents have held these friendships since their childhoods boggles the mind. Their collective memories reflect early immigration, the great depression, WWII, live big dance bands, hard times, good times, and all in between. I looked around the room and for a moment saw them all as they had been; when laughter and wit and humor rang out from the backyard on Sherman street, Dad flaming up his first bar-b-q, Sam pouring wine, cards being played, and all of us "kids" running and screaming around he street playing "kick the can" out front of the house. Just for a second I saw this group of people together and imagined the voices of some of those missing from the group now, but it made me smile none the less.

There were second generation people there too (me included) and grandchildren as well. Those of us who are the children of the last of our parents generation have aged into our 50's and 60's with the knowledge of our parents ties to each other, flaws and all, and have that to share as time goes by. Also, with the grand children came the bizzaro part of the event, the part that made me shake my head and decide I prefer the fairy tale still in my mind about the old days to what I see with some of the "youngsters". Some have received little to no direction from their families and reflect that "loose canon" effect. I feel they have missed the benefit of having shared moments listening to the old farts talk around the poker table, or the women kibtzing in the kitchen, and the cousins playing in the yard together. It was strange. Then again, the strangest of all was the rude exit one of the relatives took from the party....a true "parting shot" as it were.

Seems there has been an ax to grind for some years that only now surfaces. Perceived slights administered to that branch of the family no one was aware of until now. A missed invitation Apparently on my part) to an event for LJ to some of the cousins and a mystery phone call that I swear never came to me. I am astounded that nothing was said until now, and only 4 years later the reason for my parents being slighted comes out. The Aunt and Uncle say on their way out the door, "It's a shame your nieces weren't invited to come to Uncle Ray's 90th, but they received no invitation and will not come where they are not invited." "After all they were not invited to LJ's graduation party!" I was so suprised, I said "Whaaat?" My aunt tells me she called to see if they could come to LJ's party and I told her there would be no room! are you kidding me....I would not forget such a conversation. Never Happened! That they have been avoiding my parents for this long is beyond me....if they perceived this slight, why take it out on them? Just weird. I felt totally validated by another guest who heard the parting shot and thought it was the rudest thing they had ever heard.

The coup d gras was watching my brothers offspring spend time together having conversation as adults for the first time ever... The whole event made me feel very skizophrenic!

My conclusion: Thank God We had the wonderful celebration at Piazza Italia! It was wonderful and had all the warm fuzzies. LJ had a fabulous party thrown by her Josh that was the best she ever enjoyed with her friends. Good job Josh! I will count Sunday's bash for Dad as something Mom needed to do for Dad, and chance for them to celebrate with all the important people in their lives, and something I wish I had somehow missed!